Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
