Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
