I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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