there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
