why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
