proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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