My first STD was from a foam party
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
