Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Pappa wants mamma naked
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
