I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm gonna have a badass scar
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
