i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
