It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize