the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
