well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
