I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
