would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
