Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
