Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
