Do you still have your period?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
