So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
