I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
