the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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