Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
