Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
