I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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