Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
