If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
