i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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