birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
