I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
