I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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