My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
