I feel like I'm in dance class right now
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
