As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
