I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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