Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
