i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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