isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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