If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just want to make out with him forever
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
