I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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