I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
