I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
