omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
