Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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