I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
