she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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