While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
