he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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