So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
