I met the friendliest cop last night
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
