I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize