R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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