if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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