I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
