I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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