I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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