Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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