I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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