About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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