they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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