How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
