He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i would punch a child for taco bell
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
