So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
