there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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