I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
