How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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