Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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