Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
