after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
