ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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