yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
How external is "for external use only"?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
